Halloween Fifteen: Worst Costume Ever
Yes, I know Halloween is over. But I haven’t shown you my costume yet! It had to be my worst costume ever. And that’s really saying something, since I once dressed as a blob of algae as a kid. I’ve also done the “Black-Eyed Pea” costume, by blacking one eye and drawing a “P” on my shirt. I have a history of bad Halloween costumes. Even though this year’s was the worst, I’m going to share it with you anyway. Just wait for it.
On my way in to the salon (on my last day, I might add), I thought of 50 ways I could have made my costume better. A swimsuit. Some sand and shells attached to my face. A real tan. I was already running late, so turning around and going back home was not an option. I bravely went on in, and all day I had to endure the question, “What are you supposed to be?” You know you have experienced a Halloween fail when people have to ask what you’re dressed as. Yep, it was that bad. So bad, in fact, that my youngest daughter asked me NOT to come to her school for her annual ‘Hoop Shoot’ fundraiser.
Queen of Bad Halloween Costumes
Y’all know I labored over what to do this year in regards to my costume. I really still had no clue until Wednesday, two days before the day I was to dress up (we celebrated Halloween at the salon on Friday). I was digging through some stuff that my Auntie Anne had given me a few years ago when the lightbulb went on in my head (stupid lightbulb)! I found a huge scarf with tropical flowers all over it. It had been embellished with some fringe that looked just like seaweed. As I dug deeper, I found a hat that was a red, boiled crab, and another that was a stingray. That’s when I decided to go as…Washed-Up Malibu Barbie!
I wrapped up in the scarf, draped the “seaweed” all over myself (after spending an hour removing it from the scarf and re-hemming the entire thing), and attached Mr. Crab to my “sarong”. The stingray hat went on my head, and I made sure my makeup was running, like I’d been washed ashore. I know, it’s not sounding too good to me either, in hindsight. I’m the queen of bad Halloween costumes.
What I wasn’t counting on was the 40 degree temperatures I would wake up to on Friday. I couldn’t stand the thoughts of wearing those suntan pantyhose again after last year’s fiasco, so I ended up going with a pair of brown leggings and a brown long-sleeved shirt that I bummed off of Madre. I figured I could bronze myself enough that the brown would work. I figured wrong. It kind of made me look like an Oompa-Loompa in drag. Although, I suppose it did add to my ‘washed up’ look, creating wrinkles on my arms like a weathered old woman who spent way too many years in the sun. No? Eh, it was worth a shot.
I also had to wear some kind of socks and shoes, since I had to stand up all day, and since it was so blasted cold outside. Tigger’s real Malibu Barbie had on sneakers, so brown Converse it was (actually, they’re the Fred’s Discount Store variety, but who’s checking?)! Yep, I looked a hot mess.
I even watched a video on how to tie a scarf into a cute dress. I endured a perky, curvy blonde you-tuber’s sexy foreign accent, like 12 times, in order to get it just right. Only one of the “byertiful styles” would even work on my over-grown scarf (I was asked a few times if it was a tablecloth), so I practiced that one until it was close e-freakin’-nough. That dang
tablecloth scarf shifted this way and that all day long, and I yanked and yanked on it until I was about to lose my mind. And, as is common in the Deep South, that 40-degree morning quickly changed to a 75-degree afternoon. I began sweating around 10 am, but couldn’t take off my brown “tan” for fear of losing my dress. Seriously. Worst. Costume. EVER.
At one point, we decided my costume might be a little better if I wore the crab hat on my head, and attached the stingray hat to my person. Nope, still the worst costume ever.
This was such a bad idea. A client got so tickled during her manicure that she couldn’t sit still, because the tail of the stingray was hanging between my legs like a…nevermind. I’m sure I was a sight with those crab claws dangling on either side of my face, my smeared mascara, and that blue sparkly tail in all the wrong places! As you can see, I’d already ditched the stingray here. I absolutely could not wait to get all that ridiculous garb off and snuggle up in some sweats when I got home. Man, talk about bad Halloween costumes…especially when I’m standing amongst these cuties!
Cute Halloween Costumes
The rest of the gang looked awesome, and they were all probably a good bit more comfortable than I was. I mean seriously, here I was in all my cracked-out Barbie glory, surrounded by all these cute Halloween costumes! Shuh-Wanda made the cutest little Super Woman ever!
Vroom-Vroom was a super-awesome fortune teller, and even brought props!
Bon-Bon, who works in the salon part-time around her nursing career, came as Miss Colorado! She even wore her “Doctor’s Stethoscope”. This was not the year to wear the worst costume ever.
Aren’t they all the queens of cute Halloween costumes? Sickening.
My Last Day
Shuh-Wanda bought pizza for the whole gang (Thanks, Shuh-Wanda!), and even brought cupcakes…totally in celebration of Halloween at the salon, as it had nothing to do with it being my last day.
Speaking of the “last day” business, I only cried a little. Until I left. Then, the waterworks came, and stuck around a while. I walked away from some really amazing clients, and some even-better co-workers. That’s not to say I’m not excited about diving head-first into my new business, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss a lot of beautiful, loyal people. I will be in to visit the salon, and I may even wear out my welcome. It wasn’t just my own clients who made it a point to let me know I meant something to them, but Shuh-Wanda’s, Linnie-Pooh’s, Angel’s, and even Vroom-Vroom’s nail clients all chimed in to tell me they would miss me and wished me well. It was definitely bittersweet.
I’m sure it was also hard to wish me well with a straight face while I was wearing the worst costume ever!
Too bad I couldn’t have left with my dignity still in tact…